


First Times

by phoenixgal



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M, Post-Ascension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 15:58:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7940557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixgal/pseuds/phoenixgal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just when Jack thinks things are working, Daniel pulls away. The underage noncom tags are for referenced past abuse, not described particularly explicitly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Times

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings are for past abuse references.
> 
> I've gone back to reading more fic lately and resolved to post things I never did. Thus.
> 
> No beta. Mistakes my own. Standard disclaimers. Don't own them, just borrowing, etc.

This was new enough that it still surprised Jack, still seemed like some sort of strange miracle that they had finally, after all this time, found their way to each other. It meant that even though he suspected he knew Daniel better than anyone else, there were still things to learn about him. The noises he made when he was happy, aroused, sated. The way his body could bend. The way his tongue massaged a particular spot behind Jack's ear.

He had also learned that Daniel didn't get sleepy after sex, not like normal people. Of course he had to be nothing like normal people. He got looser, more relaxed, but also more awake in some key way, as if sex were better than caffeine. So while Jack generally wanted to pass out after orgasm, he found Daniel was often torn between staying in bed to keep the connection, to cuddle or spoon, and getting up to translate something or read a book or, one time, to cook some sort of complicated French breakfast pastry he recalled from childhood. Sex made Daniel wired in some unexpected way to Jack.

He was trying to get Daniel to split the difference between the two urges. Jack was in that heady post-orgasmic space that came from having had Daniel inside him, calling his name as he came. He wanted him in the bed, pressed against him, so he was willing to fight the urge to drift off and try to get Daniel to talk, just so he could know he'd be there as he slept.

“Tell me something I don't know,” Daniel said. 

“You want me to talk about hockey scores in bed?”

Daniel snorted.

“You know more than I'll ever know,” Jack said.

“Tell me something about you I don't know then,” Daniel said. He nuzzled into Jack's back, pressing his face to his neck.

Sex always blurred Jack's brain and senses. He generally couldn't think about anything but sex after sex. He pushed his brain backwards in time, thinking about the pieces of his life. Daniel didn't know much about his youth. They'd never done the sexual histories thing. When else did you do that but in bed? “When I was sixteen, I was hot for this blonde named Jeanie. Cheerleader.”

“Of course,” Daniel chuckled.

“I thought I was pretty awesome, but she never put out. One night, I dropped her off at home and got slapped for giving her a hickey right outside her door.”

Jack could feel Daniel's silent laughter in his breath behind him.

“Her brother, Tim, was watching at the window. He was in college and home for the weekend. I thought I was busted. Here's this guy out to protect his sister's honor. Instead he asked did I want to go down to the old cove. That was a swimming hole outside town. He gave me a cigarette, and I was trying to be cool even though I'd never smoked before, so I lit up while I was driving us out there and nearly crashed the car coughing up a fit like an idiot.

“Anyway, we got down there and hiked in. It was late and the place was deserted. We didn't have suits, so we went skinny dipping. One thing led to another, and we ended up blowing each other. My first time with anyone else. First time I'd realized guys could do this for each other, and that, damn, I really liked it. The only bad part was that I was too embarrassed to go after Jeanie again after that. Seemed too weird. I did sleep with one of the other cheerleaders senior year though.”

“You see the brother again?”

“Nah. He went back to college.” Jack turned, wanting to be face to face. “He was kind of a geek.”

“Ah, a lifelong type.”

“Oh, absolutely. Tell me about your first.”

“First what?”

“First kiss, first fuck, first anything.” Jack turned Daniel's phrase back at him. “Tell me something I don't know.”

There was a long pause and Jack felt all the looseness in Daniel leave; all that relaxed, post-orgasm muscle tightened almost imperceptibly. Jack was about to say something, to say that if Daniel didn't want to talk about it, that was fine, that it didn't matter what came before. But then Daniel started talking, turning the question on its head and talking about his first time in an airplane, at least, the first time he remembered. He recalled the window seat and the old fashioned airline stewardesses and the view of the pyramids and the desert from above receding fast into the distance.

They talked about views from up high, navigation in the air, something Jack did know things about that Daniel didn't know. But he was still uneasy and now he was more awake than he wanted to be.

Daniel slowly began to extricate himself from the bed, pulling himself away from Jack's embrace. “I should let you sleep. It's late. You know how I get sometimes. I'm too up, thinking.”

“You're always thinking too much,” Jack objected. “Stay.”

“I'll come back to bed later,” Daniel said, leaning over and kissing Jack gently on the mouth. “I want to stay in your arms, but it's not really fair to you. Don't worry about me. I have a book, I have a pile of work.”

“Don't make croissants,” Jack said, reluctantly rolling over.

It took him forever to fall asleep. Something had happened that he couldn't put his finger on, something had gone wrong. He hated that feeling. It had been right too many times, especially off world. Jack would feel it and then, next thing they knew, Jaffa were on their tail, some alien tech was swapping their bodies, or some weird plant was eating their feet. He didn't like feeling it with Daniel.

In the morning, Daniel hadn't come back to bed. He'd left a note. A bland, what if the NID happens to find this note sort of note. And he was gone, ruining a perfectly good could have been lazy Sunday for Jack.

Then came a week with two boring but time consuming trips through the gate, going after info about Anubis's new super soldiers and not finding them and then backing up SG-6. Daniel seemed fine. Jack admired him in the field, how he handled himself as well as any of the obnoxious Marines they had to deal with, like he was born to be a soldier. But then when they encountered a puzzle he threw that persona aside and dove in with his book knowledge, became academic guy. Or, sometimes, he had to become negotiator guy, diplomat Daniel. He was good at that too. All purpose Daniel, Jack thought.

They had a break, and Jack was pretty sure they weren't on the roster to be surveilled, but Daniel begged off coming over. “I'm beat and I'm supposed to go do some research with a friend over at the university. I'm trying to trace some of the roots of the Ancients and their connection with Latin so I've been boning up on some of my Roman history. We know there were some goa'uld still on Earth then too. Anyway, nothing you'd be interested in, Jack. I'll probably be busy all weekend.”

Jack said okay, of course, whatever. And then it was the next week and he knew Daniel was on the roster for the NID to be “randomly” checking his house. And then they were off to Kewlona, which only made Jack think of Daniel's ascension and put him in a cruddy mood. When they finally got back, he said, “Hey, come do take out at mine tonight?”

“Better not,” Daniel said. “I think I might be coming down with something.”

At that point, Jack knew. He knew that twitchy feeling had been right. They were in the wide hall near Daniel's lab and Jack quickly swept the space for cameras then turned his back to the one that had a clear view. “What's with you?”

He wanted to say so much more. Like, why are you sabotaging this? And, that he couldn't care less about anyone Daniel had ever fucked or been fucked by. He couldn't even care less about talking, which was something he did for Daniel, Daniel who loved words, loved to hear everyone's stories, everyone's past. It had been a gift he was trying to give Daniel. Jack, who never talked about anything, had been trying to say, hey, you're different, I'll talk to you. How could Daniel not see that?

Daniel didn't miss the way Jack had scoped out the camera. “Nothing,” he said. Jack had him with his back to the wall and they were close, very close for a very public hallway in the middle of the SGC.

When Jack didn't immediately move, Daniel shoved him, hard. “Get out of my way.”

Jack backed up and let Daniel go on his way. Then, all the way home in his truck, he cursed whatever had gone wrong. Would he ever even know? Why did Daniel have to be so cryptic? Even though he was bone tired, Jack went for a run, jogging through dark sidewalks past the last patches of melting winter snow.

On Sunday, Jack was still feeling pissed so he called the Mountain and took a day of personal leave for Monday. They weren't scheduled to go off world. There was absolutely nothing that couldn't wait. He didn't feel like facing Daniel. He was too old for this crap, but knowing that didn't stop him from feeling like a broken-hearted idiot.

He spent Monday refinishing the deck, a project that could have waited several months if not longer, but the day was unseasonably warm and it was work that would fill it up.

When Daniel showed up unexpectedly in late afternoon, Jack was sitting in stained old clothes having a beer on the patio, evaluating the last bits of work that needed to get done.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“You took the day off to work on the deck?”

Jack shrugged. 

Daniel looked hesitant, like he wasn't sure if he was welcome. His demeanor had a sense of forced cheer.

“Maybe I caught your cold,” Jack said.

“You caught my imaginary cold?” Daniel asked. “That seems highly unlikely.”

Jack didn't know if he should be relieved or pissed that Daniel had just admitted he'd lied.

“I was about to go in and grab a shower. It's getting chilly again.”

“Okay.”

No one moved for a minute. Jack sensed that it was a game of chicken and he wasn't sure if he wanted to blink first or if he wanted Daniel to.

Daniel blinked. “I was an asshole. I'm, um, trying to change some unhealthy patterns of behavior here. Will you at least let me explain? Then you can kick me out.”

Jack grunted, but a positive grunt. Yes, he'd let him explain.

Inside, Jack pulled a store made frozen lasagna out of the freezer and stuck it in the oven then left to get his shower. When he came out, his hair still wet and spiky, dressed in old sweats, he found that Daniel had rummaged and made a salad with the bits of leftovers from the fridge and set the table. It was unlike him. The odd French pastry not withstanding, Daniel was more likely to not think about practicalities like the need to set out the silverware or eat his vegetables and he never cooked. Those were Jack's jobs.

Daniel was sitting at the kitchen table, his feet bouncing quietly and quickly on the floor. Jack realized he'd hand washed the dishes in the sink and set them on the rack as well. He really must have needed something to do.

“Hey,” Daniel said.

“So, you said you wanted to explain. Talk.”

“Yeah.” Daniel glanced around the kitchen, seemingly to look everywhere but at Jack. “This is hard. Talking is supposed to be my thing.”

Jack felt his anger fade. “Look, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. No talking. You know I don't give two shits about anything that came before. I was only talking because I thought you liked that stuff. If you want to just forget it, we can forget it. Just don't pull that on me like that. If we're not working, then man up and just end it. Don't jerk me around. Is that what this is?”

“That's not what this is. I… you… this is something I've wanted for a long time, since before I ascended. We talked about this.”

“Okay.”

“So I don't want to screw it up. And I'm worried I already have.”

“I don't think you've screwed anything up beyond repair.”

“I went to a bar while I was in Denver and picked up a guy this weekend.”

Jack was silent. He felt like Daniel just punched him in the gut.

“I didn't… I mean, I came to my senses. Before it… before it went too far.”

“Oh did you?” Anger coursed through him, and a sense of betrayal.

“You can't hate me more than I hate myself, Jack. I don't even know why I did it. Well, I know why I did it. But my reasons are so fucked up that even I can't believe them.”

“Really.” Jack was still standing, back stiff and posture erect, in the middle of his kitchen while Daniel hung his head and gripped his own knees in the chair. He felt a little like he was dressing down a subordinate.

“I think I wanted to sabotage this. I mean, obviously I wanted to.” Daniel took a breath, looked up. It was clear to Jack he was trying to barrel on, to push into whatever he needed to say. “I do this, and it's completely fucked up. I have these periods of promiscuity followed by total celibacy. I've been celibate for a while now. You know that. It's not hard, at least to me. I throw myself in my work and I get completely distracted from anything else, sex and romance included. After Sha're died, there were a few months… it was all one night stands. And finally I cut it off, cut myself off. So that was me being promiscuous, sleeping around. And before that, I was basically sitting a celibate vigil for my wife except for one… incident.”

“Incident?” Jack asked, but as soon as it was out of his mouth, he knew what Daniel meant. He meant Hathor. He was sorry he'd asked. He could tell Daniel saw the moment of recognition in Jack's face.

“I don't want to talk about that. I probably should, but… it seems different from this. And I thought, given how everyone treated me, which is to say, really poorly, I think I actually handled the whole thing well. I don't know if I didn't get those memories back really post-ascension or if they were always this blunted. But I'm glad they're fuzzy so… God, it makes me seem like such a victim. But I don't want to talk about that. It has nothing to do with the guy in Denver or the things I'm trying to change. I don't think it does. It would take years of therapy that I'm not willing to… Well.”

Jack didn't say anything. Daniel's explaining was too jumbled to fully follow and Daniel himself seemed to realize it.

“I'm starting in the wrong place, starting with this weekend, going backwards.” Jack heard a note of desperation in Daniel's voice. “I just don't know how else… You probably don't realize this, but I've never been monogamous. I mean, all through school, I just wasn't. Either I was sleeping around or I wasn't sleeping with anyone at all. And even when I was with Sarah later when we were both working on our phD's, she wanted monogamy, I mean, she was talking about marriage, but I cheated on her and not just once. And I guess I had the wherewithal to feel a little guilty about it, but mostly I was upset that she caught me at it. But there were other reasons… I mean, that relationship was wrong for me, for both of us, for all kinds of reasons.

“And then when I was married… you have to understand that monogamy isn't really the norm on Abydos. Men fuck men and it's nothing to do with your marriage. Marriage is for dynasties and alliances and… giving away daughters to oblivious visiting archaeologists. And Sha're slept with women sometimes. Even opposite sex pairings aren't off the table. It just isn't… I think if things had been different, it would have settled. Sha're was so… I loved her so much. If she hadn't been taken, we would have had kids, would have probably fallen into a sort of monogamy. Or, maybe one of the reasons that Abydos was so good for me was that the cultural mores fit my own desires so perfectly. Maybe it would have gone on just like that but that would have been fine. I'll never know. Which, it still makes me angry sometimes.”

“Grief is a motherfucker.”

“Yes, exactly.”

They were silent for a minute. Jack didn't relax his pose exactly, but the weight of everything bore on him. He leaned against the kitchen island. Daniel shifted in his seat.

“I'm doing a crappy job of explaining myself.”

“Oh, I think I hear you,” Jack said.

“No, because there are things… things I haven't said. God, I'm stumbling over every single fucking thing I try to say tonight.” Daniel shook his head and hugged his arms to himself, across his chest. “I'm saying… I want to be monogamous with you if that's what you want. I'm saying, I don't know how to be and I need your help. I'm saying, none of my relationships, except my relationship with my wife, were ever anything like healthy or good and that relationship, even though it was healthy and good was literally founded on an alien model of healthy and good that probably can't apply here. I'm saying I treat sex like it's feast or famine and I know that's not healthy.”

“And that's why you felt the need to go to Denver and pick up a guy in a bar? Because, feast or famine, time for a feast?”

“No. It's not why. The pattern isn't the why, it just is. It's the effect.”

“Then why, dammit?”

“Why is that I was freaked out and something in me felt like I could use sex to feel better, sex where I'd be in control, where feelings weren't involved. But I stopped, which, I can only hope, means there is hope. Hope that I'm not a total fuck up, a total asshole, totally irredeemable. I mean, I can tell you what happened if you...”

“Aht!” Jack raised his hand and now his posture did change. He didn't want to look at Daniel so directly anymore.

“Thanks,” Daniel said quietly. “I didn't really want to.”

“What made you freak? I know it was when we were talking in bed. It was something about my story about the cheerleader and her brother.”

“No, not your story. That was when, but… I don't talk about this stuff and I tell myself I don't because it doesn't matter so why talk about it. Except then you asked and I couldn't answer and that's meaningful. It means it does mean something and that made me so angry, made me angry at you, at myself, at my parents for dying, at the fucking New York foster care system. Which is why I wanted to take control. There's a certain sort of fucked up logic to it, I guess. It was mind over matter, which is how I conquered the whole stigma of it in my mind in the first place. Or, at least, how I told myself I had.”

“Daniel, you're not making sense.”

“You asked about my firsts, first kiss, first blow job, first anything. I was twelve when he kissed me. Thirteen when he first...” Daniel trailed off. Words seemed to escape him for a moment. Jack felt like he didn't have any either.

Daniel's eyes closed, his brow knit, his whole body looked strained.

“You don't have to say anything,” Jack said quietly.

“Yes I do!” Daniel exploded. “That's the whole fucking point! I was thirteen when he fucked my mouth, thirteen when he fucked my ass.”

Jack winced.

“I don't want your pity,” Daniel said, almost a hiss of breath. “I mean, at the time, I was convinced, he convinced me, that it was… I don't know, love? Consensual? Okay? He was technically my foster brother, though I didn't ever live with him. He was off at college when I went to live there. He would come home and bring me books and tell me about classes and talk to me like I was on his level, which no one else would do. I felt patronized by all the other adults in my life – foster parents, social workers, teachers. I had skipped a grade and was in high school really young so I had zero friends. It was beyond easy for him to get me to keep quiet.”

“Shit.”

“He got caught pretty quickly and I was whisked off to another family and the social worker wanted to press charges and was pissed I refused to go along with that. They could have done it anyway. I'm not totally sure what they did, but when I refused to say anything, they basically left me out of it. And the shrinks were blunt, they were all, you've been raped, you have to talk about it. And I thought, I'm getting out of here as quick as I can. I don't want to be patronized by any of these people any more. So I spent the next two years learning to get them off my back and figuring out how to get out of high school faster because if I got out of school, I could get emancipated and tap my college fund that my parents had left me, which, at the time, seemed like a fortune.

“When I got to school, I wanted nothing more than to prove all of them wrong. They had all treated me with such kid gloves all the time. Like I was a time bomb about to go off or a priceless artifact that needed to be locked away and preserved. My first week at school, I went to a freshman mixer and ended up blowing one guy and going home with the girl who watched it happen.”

Jack raised his eyebrows. “You were sixteen.”

“I was. And in my crappy teenage wisdom I thought if I could have enough sex on my terms, it would prove that I'm no victim and that I never was. But at some point, around my junior year, I burnt out on it. It was so empty. I couldn't care less about any of the people I slept with. And I got an unexpected letter from a colleague of my parents'. It was the tenth anniversary of their death. There were some items they'd collected that he'd held for me and wanted to pass on. Anyway, it was like this sudden presence of my parents in my life and I had an unexpected bout of guilt and shame about how I'd been behaving. What would they think of me? And didn't I want the sort of partnership they'd had? Which is how I ended up trying to date women on the same track as me, headed into the permanent arms of academia. So I went from orgies to chaste dating. And eventually I hooked up with Sarah. But it wasn't right and, probably, I wasn't right. And I went back to sleeping around, except, worse this time because it was behind her back.”

The timer began sounding an incessant beep, totally out of place in the conversation. Jack didn't move. He was fixed on Daniel. He thought, how can I care about dinner when we're having this conversation, how can dinner even be happening when this conversation exists in this kitchen right now.

“You'd better get it. Or, at least, turn off the oven,” Daniel said.

Jack ran his hands over his face and through his hair and then turned to the oven. He switched the timer off and turned off the heat in the oven. “It'll keep,” he said, turning back to Daniel. “In case we're ever hungry again.”

Daniel rolled his eyes.

“I don't want to be in here anymore,” Jack complained.

“Where do you want to be?”

“Somewhere else. Somewhere where I can wrap my arms around you. Probably in bed.”

“Jack, you shouldn't just forgive me.”

“Why not?”

“Because… I shouldn't be able to cash in on something that happened decades ago, something I haven't even thought about in ages. I'm perfectly capable of controlling my own actions and I made the decision to go to that bar.”

“You want me to not forgive you?”

“I want you to not treat this like it's a thing. If you just forgive me, out of hand, it means you pity me, you think, poor Daniel. I can see you thinking it now.”

“Jesus, Daniel, give a guy a second to think.” Jack stretched his legs, shaking out the unease in his body the best he could without moving much. “I am not thinking poor Daniel. I'm thinking that you're still doing it. You're still trying to sabotage this. I'm thinking, love means forgiveness if it means anything.”

Jack watched as a sob rose up in Daniel's chest and he hung his head, clearly trying to fight back tears. He wished he could fall at his knees at Daniel's feet and look up at him, grip his legs. Damn knees. Instead, he crossed the kitchen to tug at Daniel's arms and pull him to standing so he could wrap his arms around him.

“I feel like a total shit,” Daniel said, but he let himself be held, wrapped his arms around Jack and put his head on Jack's shoulder.

“Tell me what you need,” Jack said. “And don't say for me to argue with you because that's off the table. I'm over it. Nothing even happened. I'm also a grown up in control of my actions and I can choose to let things go if I want to.”

Daniel curled his fingers into Jack's back. “Bed,” he whispered.

Jack led the way to the bedroom and stripped. He wasn't aroused exactly, at least not overly, and not yet. He just wanted as much contact with Daniel as he could have, to touch him, to become aroused with him.

Daniel didn't strip. He sat on the edge of the bed and gazed up at Jack. “I want you to top me,” he said.

A shiver went through Jack, straight down his spine to his dick. He wanted this badly, had been dreaming about it, fantasizing about for years. In the months since they had been together, they'd mostly stuck to hand jobs and blow jobs and frottage. He'd had Daniel in him twice now, two delirious times, the second one marred only by how Daniel had left in the night afterward, after their conversation in bed. Jack had felt, when they first started, that they would get to this, eventually. He was in no hurry. He wanted Daniel to ask. Half of his fantasy had been this exact moment, Daniel asking to be fucked.

Jack's dick went from half hard to fully erect just at the thought. He had a moment of hesitation, thinking about their conversation in the kitchen, but he knew Daniel and he understood that to refuse, even to question, after that conversation would be devastating to him. Daniel had said he knew what he wanted, had hissed at Jack not to pity him.

“God, yes,” he groaned and was pleased to see Daniel's answering smile.

The mood had turned from slow and hesitant to almost frantic in that instant. It took only moments to go from Jack standing half naked by the bed to both of them stripped down, flesh pressed together, mouths locked, tongues mingled.

Jack moaned into Daniel's mouth as he pressed him against the bed. He'd been waiting for this patiently for months now, and for years before that. All the built up desire from over that time came rushing at him and he felt briefly as out of control as the kid in the long gone memory he'd shared with Daniel the other week, the one that had set this whole thing off. He pulled back, just slightly pulling away from the kiss, putting slight distance between their bodies, easing the heat and friction that was quickly building for him.

Daniel looked at him, pupils wide, blue eyes wide and almost afraid. “Jack, don't...”

Jack moved into a crouch and bent lower, kissing Daniel, cutting him off. “Not hesitating. Just about to blow if I don't slow this thing down.”

Daniel chuckled, the tension broken.

Jack wanted nothing more than to press his body against Daniel's clothes and all just to touching as much as possible, but he made himself stand and strip. On the bed, Daniel did the same, sliding out of jeans and underwear all at once and kicking them to the ground. And then there was just flesh.

Jack was still feeling almost lightheaded with the request. He indulged his need to feel that skin to skin contact, stretching himself over Daniel, erections pressed between bellies and body heat shared. Their mouths met again and the kiss went on longer, until Jack did think he could stand it and made himself pull back again.

This time, Daniel didn't misread the gesture. He resolutely planted his feet apart and hitched up on the bed grabbing a pillow to shove beneath him, a clear invitation.

Jack found the lube in the drawer and set it beside him. He forced himself to go slow, mouthing his way down his lover's body, tasting, appreciating, continuing to get a zing from Daniel's request. He gave a long, broad swipe to his penis then used his hand to take just the tip in his mouth and swirl his tongue around the head then suckle at it for a moment. His other hand cupped Daniel's balls.

Daniel was all unleashed tension. Jack could feel it. He was aroused, but curled, watching Jack, his mind clearly still moving a million miles a second. This was the challenge of sex with Daniel, Jack suddenly realized, surprised he hadn't known this would be the main thing about it earlier. He had to make him let go, stop thinking. And then, maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't get up and try to bake and read and wander away in the night. Maybe he would get the right sort of relaxed from sex, where all that background buzz goes away in the wake of love and trust.

Jack flipped the cap of the lube and generously coated his fingers. He ran the slippery fingers along Daniel's exposed crack, using his other hand to urge his legs even further apart. He kept his fingers there, running up and down the crack, teasing his hole, for quite awhile. He leaned his mouth against Daniel's knee, pressed a kiss there, just to reassure. “Lie back,” he urged. “Go on.”

Daniel huffed slightly so Jack repeated himself. “I'm taking care of you,” he said. “Relax.”

It still took a moment, but when Daniel's neck fell back onto the bed, he let out what seemed like a completely involuntary moan in his breath, high pitched and needy. Jack stopped teasing and pushed a finger in.

He wasn't surprised that Daniel was tight, and in a way it was good. He wanted to take his time and stretching took time. By the time he had added more lube twice and worked up to three fingers, he could feel Daniel start to loosen. Not only that, but he was panting.

“Jack,” he said, his breath ragged and low. “Jack, please.”

Jack took a long, controlled breath himself. He had thought about this moment so many times, wanted Daniel with a sense of yearning that he'd barely been able to understand, jerked off thinking about this moment.

“Jack,” Daniel said again, his voice rough and pleading.

“Yeah, I'm just appreciating the view.” But Jack slowly withdrew the fingers. Daniel let out a whine. Jack knew that feeling, that feeling of emptiness and anticipation. The need to stay loose and open balanced with the desire to clench on something, anything, because you're so ready and wanting.

He didn't waste time. Applying lube to himself he knew it was going to take effort to last. He lined himself up and pushed slow and steady, gritting his teeth against the pleasure.

“Ohhhhhhhh,” Daniel let out a long moan as Jack pulled his hips up toward him, adjusting the angle and sliding all the way in.

Now they were both panting and Jack could feel Daniel's eyes on him intently, staring, still wide and thinking.

“Stop thinking,” Jack ordered. And then he began to move, pulling himself nearly all the way out and then back in again, pressing as deep as he could, then repeating the action, slow and steady. His own eyes, he was sure, were lidded heavy, pupils blown, face flushed.

The movement went on for a long time as they slowly found a rhythm with each other. Daniel's face stayed open, his blue eyes fixed on Jack, searching, begging. “Daniel,” Jack said, a warning. His hips sped up slightly and the movement became a thrust. Daniel's face slipped slightly. Encouraged, Jack moved toward a rougher, harder rhythm and was pleased to see Daniel's eyes blink closed for a minute in pure pleasure.

Harder it was, then. He kept the faster, rougher rhythm going. He couldn't say exactly when Daniel let go, but he felt it. Beneath him, Daniel's body when some final, indescribable step closer to relaxed, letting out a breath that felt longer than the short pants they were both breathing as they climbed toward their release.

“Yes,” Jack said. “There.” Daniel responded with a low whimper and Jack let loose as hard as he could, feeling the orgasm shake through him sharply as he pulsed inside Daniel. He barely had the presence of mind to reach between them and grip Daniel's leaking cock and just tug. It didn't take anything more. He had known somehow that it wouldn't. As he shuddered the last of his release, Daniel began his own, shooting through Jack's palm over both their chests, a rumble of noises moving through his body and his face contorted in a look of awe, mouth open, eyes closed tight.

They lay together for some undetermined time before Jack was willing to let go. And as he carefully, slowly withdrew his softening dick, he felt Daniel below him breathing evenly and peacefully.

He was asleep. Or, at least, he was mostly asleep, the sort of floating, dreamy sleep of half-awareness.

Jack retrieved two warm washcloths, giving himself a quick once over then bringing the second to Daniel. He carefully turned him and cleaned up gently then crawled in beside him. Daniel rolled to him and murmured something in a language Jack didn't know, curling himself around Jack's body and giving himself fully over to sleep.

This was a Daniel in bed Jack hadn't known yet. A new Daniel, with new secrets and new trust.

They should talk, Jack thought. Process or something. It was probably important. But for the moment, all he wanted to do was sleep in his lover's arms. A rare and precious thing.

So he did.

Much later, in the wee hours of the morning, they woke up and ate cold lasagna for breakfast and talked about commitments and love and first times of the best sort.


End file.
